I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. I had always told Curtis (my ex-boyfriend) that he was the only reason I was in the States and if we ever found ourselves not together, that I’d leave to travel the world. When we broke up I felt like I had to live up to that statement. I knew for a long time that it was what I was meant to do. I just didn’t expect us to break-up so the whole RTW trip really came out of nowhere.
Curtis with Zulu
I had about 6-months to figure everything out and 2 of those months have gone by already. I’ve got to sell everything, get my dogs taken care of, talk with my doctors to figure out a plan of action (I require constant medical care for an injury I sustained in a car accident), and decide where I want to go. It’s now 4-months until my departure date and only one of those items really concerns me. I don’t care about letting go of my things; I can always get more should I decide I want that life back.
Snuggle with Zulu
When my dog Buffy died I felt empty, like there was a void in my heart. I had Buffy since I was 5-years old and her passing was very difficult for me. I was 22-years old and didn’t really know life without a little dog. I really wanted a dog so 6-months after her passing I found Kibu. Kibu is a half poodle, half Papillion mix. I’m not a big fan of poodles, but I responded to an ad in the paper and decided to see what she was like. She was the cutest thing ever and I knew I had to have her. Kibu is the smartest dog I’ve ever known; Sometimes I swear there is a little human in there.
Kibu at Watch, like she always is.
Zulu (right) with her best-friend Katy (left)
When Curtis and I got together we decided on a whim to get her a sister. We ended up back at the breeders and got her niece, Zulu. Zulu is the sweetest most laidback dog ever. I guess since I was planning a life with Curtis, I didn’t think about long-term travel and the implications of another dog at the time. However, I don’t really regret getting Zulu because she’s enriched my life in so many ways. Our plan was to take off every few years for 6 months to a year and his parents would take care of them while we were gone. Now that plans changed things are different. He can’t take the dogs since he’s a pilot and is gone frequently. Even though the original agreement was that he would get Kibu and I would get Zulu, neither of us can bear to separate them. They are sisters and they really love each other. Every day for about an hour they play by running around the house and attacking each other. Kibu takes the older sibling role seriously and looks after Zulu.
Kibu and Zulu playing as Katy watches and tries not to get trampled
I know that I would be extremely unhappy if I stayed here in the States for my dogs. Times change. At one point I saw myself in the whole domestic role, but now I don’t. They are 3 and 6 so they still have plenty of life left. I talked to my parents about taking them. I know that my parents, especially my dad, would give them lots of love and the attention that they deserve. My mom however has put the gauntlet down and told me she doesn’t want them. She then went on to lecture me and said things to make me feel really guilty and bad about the whole ordeal. It’s not like my heart was already hurting or anything… Gee, thanks mom for understanding and helping me feel better.
Sleeping with the dogs at Tammy's.
My heart cried that day. I love these dogs more than anything and I want them to go to a place that makes them happy, but at the same time understands my situation.
It just so happens that earlier in the day Curtis had told me that his mom had asked to take care of them. She asked. He didn’t say anything to her. She wants them, she loves my dogs and has taken care of them before when I went to South America. That is when Curtis and I were together though. I just think it would be weird to show up 2 years (or whenever it is I come back) later and want my dogs back. Would it be better to relinquish them to her? They’d get to see Curtis when he visited. I could visit but since they live in the middle of nowhere it would be weird to stay there.
Zulu taunting Kibu from the bed.
I know that Kibu would be happy wherever she was. She adapts well and makes herself at home wherever she is. The second she sees me she’ll come running to jump in my arms and lick my face to death. When I came back home from South America, she did just that. Zulu however, is depressed without me. I know this. It breaks my heart. Last time she was with Tammy she was so depressed they kept taking her to the vet. The day I came home to pick her up she didn’t rush up to see me like Kibu. She ran to Tammy instead and it broke my heart to pieces. She wasn’t sure if I was here to be with her or only to say hello and abandon her again. She was very reluctant to give me her heart again or any sort of attention. On the drive back when she realized we were going back home, she pee’d on my head in the hotel to tell me how she felt about the whole ordeal. I just want to be happy and I want Zulu to be happy. It sucks that I’m Zulu’s happiness. The whole thing breaks my heart into pieces. That little dog has stolen my heart.
Tammy (Curtis’ mom) wants to take the dogs not only because she cares about both Curtis and I, but because she also loves my dogs. She would do anything to help either of us achieve our dreams no matter what those dreams are and what she thinks of them. I’d rather have my dogs go to a home that wants them, than force them on someone who takes them on as a burden.
EDIT: My parents went to see the movie Eat, Pray, Love and I think it really helped them understand what it is I want to do and why I want to do it. They’ve decided that they would take on the burden of my dogs and make a lifestyle change for me so that I could be free to do as I please. I think that’s awesome and it makes me really happy.
So I’m thinking… Should I give them to my parents? Should I let Tammy take care of them with the premise I can get them back at any time? Would it be better for my dogs to just give them to her? Should I give them to my parents with the notion that Tammy will take them at any time if they become too much? My heart is breaking just thinking about it.
Since I made my decision to travel I’ve cherished every moment I’ve had with them. It really made me realize how I should appreciate the things I have in my life, because you never know when they will be gone.
Taking Zulu home after my 5-month backpacking adventure.
