Why am I considered selfish for traveling around the world?

Most people are too afraid to do what you are doing because it is unconventional and they are jealous of your courage and freedom.

I don’t follow. Maybe you are selfish for doing this, just like everyone is selfish for looking for a job/partner/house/etc they love. But how is this selfishness affecting people enough for them to change your opinion of you? It doesn’t make any sense to me, sorry. The only thing I can think of is that they might feel abandoned – but that means they’re just as selfish by wanting to keep you close to them…

Like Ted, I think that selfishness doesn’t describe the situation well. These people are probably jealous of you. I can understand them, I’d be jealous as hell if a friend of mine had the guts to do this… but I wouldn’t call them selfish, because it simply doesn’t… fit.

I think people think we’re careless and project their selfishness on us. Its not them being mean, just they are going to miss you and instead of saying they are selfish, call you selfish. That’s my take.

I haven’t had anybody call me selfish for traveling (at least not to my face), but I have gotten plenty of “crazy” and some “why don’t you give up already?”. It’s hard to deal with people being negative about your life choices… especially choices that you feel so positive about. But, remember, it’s a good thing that everyone doesn’t want to jump on the bandwagon and travel the world… if they did, we’d never be able to find a seat on the bus!

Fuck em

I’ve found that in sharing my plans with my friends and family that those that are the most put off are the ones that are most afraid for me (way outside their comfort zones) and will miss me the most. The other things I’ve encountered is a bit of jealously. Not outright green monsters, but little snippets of jealousy that come out during conversations.

But overall, I’d second Gary’s statement. Fuck em and it’s their baggage, you don’t have to carry it around for them.

I agree. I had a few people react this way when I said I was leaving to travel, others even got a bit angry at me. I later realised that some of them were just afraid for me and maybe even a bit jealous.

It can really hurt, especially when family reacts in an unexpected way like that but the only thing you can do is shake it off and continue doing what makes you happy.

Its crazy for people to think that of us, but sadly it happens. It is something completely out of the norm and something that is not common. At home I get shit all the time because I am trying to get rid of so many of my belongings. They don’t understand that what I am doing is my dream. I know they know I am going but I still don’t think they believe me. Oh well we are doing what we have been dreaming of. So fuck it and breakaway…

I have a theory that the people that think traveling around the world is selfish are those that
look at possessions as status symbols. The nice house, the nice car means that they have
achieved a certain level of success. When someone comes along that has decided to forgo
those things, they take it as a rejection of their world view.

I think we had the exact same types of phone calls with family members. Ugh!

Weird the way people see things, isn’t it? Here’s to a world where – more and more – people will be applauded for doing exactly what they need to be doing without having to think about others’ narrow-minded thinking.

We’ll be keeping an eye on your travels!

Funny you say that. My favorite phrase when someone is hating on me is, “You’re just jealous!” all in jest.

My point is that I’m not selfish and it’s stupid for anyone to think that I am for following my heart. I think the negative connotation comes from people not making the courageous decisions when they were younger. If they put me down it just justifies their own insecurities in the decisions they have made in their life.

It is hurtful when people close to you think these things that aren’t true of your character. They just want to see things on the surface rather than looking for the truth. Things that may change or push the limitations of their belief system. Really one-sided.

We know what backpacking is. Other people may not and already have a perspective on what they think it is. Then they make judgments based on that… and believe that their way of living is the “best” and “only way” of living. Anything outside of that is considered absurd. When someone comes along and does something different, I don’t think they know how to react. It’s so easy to judge what someone else is doing, rather than look inside of yourself.

Right on Gary! Thanks for stopping by!

Oh I’ve gotten the selfish card many times, which is the basis for this rant! It’s not for everyone, but I hope to at least inspire those who dream of doing something similar to go out there and do it. I write about everything here, the good and the bad. It’s all part of the game.

When I first started traveling a lot of people didn’t take me seriously, but after a few trips they started to realize I was for real. They think it’s just a phase, but whatever. We’ll stick togeather.

Yes. The jealous little comments that come out in conversations. I kind of like those. I use those comments to try to inspire them to take action themselves… telling them how I did it and how I made a decision to step outside the mold. I know it’s cliche, but if I can do it, so can you!

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It takes all sorts of people on this planet and travelling opens us up to different cultures, teaching us to be more tolerant. Those that never travel that never engage with other cultures or experience other ways of life remain narrow minded and locked within their world. (yes a generalisation – but an attitude I have come across time and time again! I have only once had this conversation and strangely enough it was with a neighbour who lived over the road from us for a while. He was furious that we were leaving after building a good friendship with his daughter. I never promised to stay, I never promised to leave!

Perfectly put Jenny. I agree with BrotherMycroft that some people take our rejection of their world view personally. They just need to understand that possessions, careers, homes, and cars aren’t for everyone, just like travel isn’t for everyone.

It takes all sorts of people on this planet and travelling opens us up to different cultures, teaching us to be more tolerant. Those that never travel that never engage with other cultures or experience other ways of life remain narrow minded and locked within their world. (yes a generalisation – but an attitude I have come across time and time again! I have only once had this conversation and strangely enough it was with a neighbour who lived over the road from us for a while. He was furious that we were leaving after building a good friendship with his daughter. I never promised to stay, I never promised to leave!

You have to be selfish in life. How can you be happy if you don’t put your needs first, and how can you help others if you don’t help yourself first.
I always get around others negative attitudes about me by thinking this “Other peoples opinions about me are none of my business.” you’ll always have people commenting about your life, because it takes the focus off themselves and helps to make them feel a little better. It’s glaring insecurity.
My daughter is currently spending the night with her aunt- and while I miss her like crazy I truly appreciate the time to myself- Selfish- no. Just allowing myself to do things so I can have more quality time with her when she returns.
Keep raising the middle finger Jenny. I can’t seem to get mine to stay down

You said it!! I get this sentiment all the time.. in fact, when I was traveling and living in New Zealand I had one particular friend who would always call me and tell me my life wasn’t reality. “When are you going to come back and get a real job? Life isn’t supposed to be never-never land.”
And you know what? I told her off, and 6 months later she’s calling me saying she wishes she could live my life. HA! Life is what you make it.. that’s the beauty of it. There are a gazillion different paths for everyone.

Not every American dream is the same. Enjoy yours.

Maybe doing what we want to with our lives is selfish. Maybe it is good to be selfish in this way, so that we aren’t living our lives the way other people want us to.

They accuse you of selfishness ? That’s a really lame argument. They could at least come up with something stronger, like irresponsible or careless or something.
Having a family is selfish. Being an artist is selfish, Being a doctor is selfish. Enjoying a meal is selfish. Point is, there is nothing wrong with selfishness.
You even take the time to help strangers, give advice, inspire with your stories, volunteer, etc..How unselfish of you!
By traveling, you become aware that you are only a tiny tiny part of this huge amazing planet we live on, thereby automatically becoming considerably less self-centered than any person who does not travel.
By traveling, you open up to strangers and they open up to you. Acts of great kindness, generosity, and hospitality are given and received around the world because of travelers willing to go outside of themselves and open to accepting other cultures.
this post reminds me of the following humorous blog post I read about selfishness: http://thepessimisticvegan.blogspot.com/2010/05/youre-selfish.html#
If every person in this world followed their true passion(s) as you do, this world would be so much better off.
Keep following your dreams, always. Keep inspiring.

el oh el. I love your last line!

el oh el. I love your last line!

el oh el. I love your last line!

People that don’t have the courage to take a risk to do what they love want to hate on those that take action. Misery loves company. Your friend wishes she could do what you do… and she could if she made the decision to do so. There are a million ways to live life, and this is the way I choose.

People that don’t have the courage to take a risk to do what they love want to hate on those that take action. Misery loves company. Your friend wishes she could do what you do… and she could if she made the decision to do so. There are a million ways to live life, and this is the way I choose.

People that don’t have the courage to take a risk to do what they love want to hate on those that take action. Misery loves company. Your friend wishes she could do what you do… and she could if she made the decision to do so. There are a million ways to live life, and this is the way I choose.

Hi Jenny

I just came across your blog… and I think it’s great that you’re planning to travel the world. Do you have an itinerary yet? When are you leaving? I think it’s great that you’ve figured out a way to generate income — other than travel writing, which is usually the norm. Very inspiring.

I’ve been traveling for years.. the longest I’ve done is a month in India and 3.5 weeks in Vietnam/Cambodia. But I recently began planning a 6-month trip through central/south ameraica (longer if I can make it happen, but 6-months for sure.) It’s still 2-years away… but I’m excited at the idea.

I have a couple of random questions for you:
-How old are you?
-How did you find traveling through SA alone, as a woman, that didn’t initially speak the language fluently? (Or were you fluent by the time you finished your volunteer work and started traveling?)

In direct response to this post — I feel your pain. My father and brother are constantly on me about my traveling. It can be depressing and frustrating. It takes some of us longer than others (ie: myself) to break free from that and be true to our own desires, without guilt or explanation.

Good luck!

P.S. I live in NYC, so if you need a place to crash (and aren’t allergic to cats) let me know!
And I have good friends in Austrlia… that can offer a place to crash, etc.

I’m not saying this doesn’t sting but if you let comments like that poison you, it can severely affect your experiences. I have family members that do the opposite. They compete against me to see who’s the most affluent and successful and having the ability to travel is a surefire sign of that. So when I’m broke & unemployed and the farthest I can afford to go is across the street and they’re jetsetting their asses to Asia, Europe, and South America they rub it in my face. It produces a lot of pain and I admit, it HAS affected my travel experiences because sometimes I subconsciously choose destinations to show them up. It’s one thing when people talk out of their ass, it’s another story when we begin to eat it.

i totally get you on this. i think it’s weird that choosing to volunteer in a different country would be considered selfish!! i am also traveling indefinitely and basically seeking the same as you. profound experiences. learning more about myself and global communities. etc. i have my own agenda. and i’m happy for it. yet my family wants me back. they have their agenda for me and its not what i’m doing. to me, THAT’S selfish. but at the same time, i can see their perspective and my catholic guilt is getting to me too (i’m not catholic but i say that’s the only thing “catholic” about me that survived my upbringing)…

there are always going to be the non-traditionalists like us. i used to own a house, actually.. on my way to the traditional path but it was killing me. suffocating. i feel more myself now as a single nomad than i ever have in my life. so i must be doing something right! was siddartha guatama selfish for leaving his wife and son to understand the world and become the enlightened buddha? i don’t know. this topic definitely bothers me too and i struggle with it but i don’t think we’re inherently selfish! in fact, my whole path is all about trying to be selfLESS. it’s not about me. it’s about trying to find ways to help others..

I think you’ve made excellent points here, Jenny. If you had worked on Project MARC right in your home country, you probably would have been applauded and given some type of award. Because you traveled overseas to do it, it looks to some people like you were goofing off, I think. Most Americans only go on vacation, one and sometimes two weeks a year, and almost never overseas. And I think a lot of people just aren’t interested in traveling overseas. To them, a desire to not just see but experience the world is just unfathomable. You’re right – travel isn’t selfish. It’s one of the things we want to do in life, just as other people want to have babies and advance in their careers and go away skiing week every winter. It doesn’t make you or any of us selfish. Because it is America, we can follow our dreams. People shouldn’t give you a hard time about it.

I agree with Ted, it has alot to do with jealousy, but I also think that is based in fear.

I have a quote I love from Patrick Jasper Lee in We Borrow the Earth
“Much of the time we say I can’t, I shouldn’t, I mustn’t, I daren’t. But much of this has to do with having our souls hammered into shape by people who have had theirs hammered in exactly the same way.”

It scares people when you can, should, must and dare. If you do such fabulous things with your life, what is that saying about the lives they have subscribed to?

Often people feel needlessly threatened if your choices do not line up with theirs. We all like to find validation for our choices — we are social creatures, after all — but sometimes this leads to repressive tendencies in group think. IMO, this is old school “energy” or thought. More and more people of younger generations are recognizing that happiness in and of itself is a worthy and respectable goal. At worst, it can manifest as an ungrounded narcissism fraught with entitlement issues; at best, the life example of someone living their dream inspires other and raises the overall joy magnitude of human existence on the planet. It also brings increased peace in the world.

Really, anyone who calls you selfish is doing you a favor. They confirm that you are doing something right!

PS: spending time with and interacting with fellow travelers (say, via this blog) is a great way get more into the groove. I find that attending local Couchsurfing meetings and reading travel blogs really gives me a sense of family: global travelers who just *know* that experience is the most natural, positive choice for them. The more time you spend interacting with people of your own global tribe, so to speak, the more of positive experiences I believe you’ll attract.

Best to you!

Wow, this is exactly how I feel too. I’m going through similar things at the moment, and the people who find it the hardest to accept what I do is my family.

It’s so frustrating when the people who are closest to you disagree with everything that you’re working towards.

It’s funny, what you say about being selfish. Why is it being concidered selfish wanting to do what makes you happy, why is it selfish wanting to achieve your dreams?

It’s not, but it’s freaking scary for those who aren’t doing it themselves to see someone close to them stepping up and doing it..

I think everyone thinks from his/her’s own perspective. It’s not an usual way of life to choose so maybe that’s a reason why it’s harder to understand for your family and friends. I think that if this is your dream (and reading all the posts on the subject it seems like it is) you should follow it and acceptance and even pride in what you accomplish will come in time for parents and all the others!

Hmm, sounds selfish to me. How dare you volunteer, discover new experiences and devote your life to something you absolutely love. No way, you stay back with us, become miserable and have regrets like normal people do.

I think you raise a really good point. People see it as a rejection of their worldview/perspective. It throws their center of gravity completely off, “OMG you can do that!” then thinking about all the things they just let pass themselves by because of what they thought was the norm or the “right thing to do.” They look back and realize they didn’t have to live their life a certain way and feel some sort of regret. That life wasn’t about attaining a certain status symbol or collection of things.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

My itinerary is very open-ended. I’ve traveled long-term in the past with a very set plan. I found that I was disappointed when plans changed and regretted skipping places, so I’ve decided to just begin my trip with a general idea of where I want to go and see where it takes me. I’ll start with a skatepark tour of the United States and then I’m either going to head to Asia, Central America, or France. I depart in January of 2011. Yes, I’m very lucky that the business I started 8-years ago has evolved to allow me to pursue my passions whatever that meant to me at the time. Now it’s full-time travel.

I’ll do my best to answer your questions (and feel free to e-mail me personally if you have more)

I’m 28-years old although I should say 29 because my birthday is next week. Travel through South America as a woman solo was fine. I took Spanish classes on arrival and was fluent enough to be able to do anything and say what I wanted to say (but I tried really hard to learn the language). I did get a lot of attention from men and the culture is different. Men expect women to do as they ask and it’s not okay for a girl and a boy to be friends unless they are dating. So if I talked to a man it meant I wanted something more than just casual friendship.

Thanks for the offer. I may be up in NYC at some point.

Life isn’t a competition. You can do more by ignoring what they are doing and focus on what makes you happy! It’s hard sometimes, but you’ll find fulfilling yourself to be more satisfying.

I think it’s selfish to want someone to do what you want them to do rather than be happy for them doing what they are passionate about..
If you are happy, you are definitely doing something right!

Yes! The online travel community is awesome! I feel totally accepted and normal.

So when I traveled these people talked trash about my stories because I talked more about how much fun I had than the logistics of my actual volunteer trip. They made an assumption that I didn’t do anything to help anyone. I was just more excited about the whole travel aspect because it was something I really wanted to do and I enjoyed the island life so much that it didn’t feel like “work” to me. Just because I didn’t list all my duties as a volunteer as part of my story doesn’t mean that I didn’t do any volunteer work. They said I claimed I volunteered when really I went out to do my own thing, which is so far from the truth it’s not even funny.

I like those quotes!

99.9% of the time people act in this way through jealously. You cannot expect everyone to agree with the decisions you make in life, but, it is just that, your life. Let them get on with it, and you carry on enjoying life.

This is the first time I’ve come across your blog (which is great btw – I think somone tweeted a link to this entry?), and let me tell you, from my vast age of 63, that you are NO WAY selfish in what you are doing!

I know why parents react the way they do, because I have two sons in their twenties. Since their late teens both have travelled, and it has enriched their lives, and I always, unhesitatingly, encourge them to do it. That said, there is a part of me which would like us all to see more of each other than we do, and they know that, but it’s wrong of a parent to play on it we all have to live our own lives, and I am incredibly proud of them both. Of course, in a way it’s easy for me to understand, because I love to travel too, I would never ask them not to go, nor criticize them for doing so. I am guessing that your parents have come around to thinking the same way too.

When it comes to others, usually these things are fuelled by jealousy and fear of the unknown, you are quite right, and I think that’s more true in the US than in Europe. Europeans are accumstomed to travel, and in some ways it is not so much a big deal as it is for Americans. In the US you have the most wonderful variety of landscape, and you have an incredibly high standard of living, so it’s understandable that people aren’t moved to travel much, but the necessity for travel comes in the inter-exchange of cultures. It is critically important for Americans to understand how other countries work and how other peoples feel, work, react, live and love, because the US is the most powerful country in the current world. It is also critically important for the rest of the world to understand that there is so much more to the US than the lurid movies Hollywood cranks out, the seemingly endless tales of shootings which headline around the world, and the apparent intolerance which also headlines. That’s up to you guys, Americans who travel, especially the young – you can dispel the myths and create a climate of goodwill.

So, you see, you are far from selish you are not only doing good in your volunteer work, even just by smiling or being kind to a fellow traveller, or someone in another country, no mater what their nationality, religion or gender you are being an ambassador for your country. If you share some fun along the way with some of these people, even better.

just clicked through from your comment on Tim Ferriss’ blog. Awesome site. Good luck with the trip

As my wife says, it would be much more selfish of us not to travel, to live a life disappointed by what we didn’t achieve, and have that rub off on our family and friends!Dreams are a fundamental part of being human, life wouldn’t be much fun if we didn’t ever set out to achieve something for ourselves. It’s not always a bad thing, look at the benefits to you (and others if volunteering) and offset that with the effect on those around you. Since I doubt that your intention to travel has any effect whatsoever on this girl…I’m afaid she’s probably just jealous.May you have many more fantastic adventures!

I finally got time to come back and comment on this. I think the “selfish” reaction you’re getting from certain people is based on their jealously and misunderstanding of what you’re doing. Most people think those of us who travel are lucky, rich or both, and they don’t understand the work and discipline it takes to save money for travel, and that we’re not flying first class and staying at 5 star hotels. I still have a 9-5 job and haven’t completely worked out my dream of long term travel, but just by telling people I don’t want kids, they tell me I’m selfish. How is it selfish to know that bringing a child into the world isn’t the right path for me? Bottom line, you know that following your dream of traveling is NOT selfish, your parents aren’t funding your travels, and you’re actually volunteering and giving back along the way. Don’t let it bother you, not everyone will understand, but as long as you feel good about your decisions, that’s all that matters.

Hey Jenny, just do it, don’t look back, and go with your gut instinct. I left home in search of a different kind of living about 8 years ago – I took my wife, two dogs, entire contents of my house and lived in Vancouver, Ottawa, and now Sydney, Australia. Friends and family were astounded by the decision. Why would I give up my perfect corporate 9-5 job, my car, house, everything just on a whim. Thing is, it wasn’t a whim. It was a part of me that had been screaming out since I was a kid – I simply couldn’t take the routine and monotony of small town living in a manner deemed appropriate by my friends, family and society at large. I’ve never been happier. I’ve had 8 years of insults, inappropriate behaviour and snide comments from said negative people but I’ve tried to remain strong and stay the course. My life is 100 times more fulfilling, with a raft of experiences I could have only hoped for in my previous life. I’ve been blogging on my journey, including the ups and downs – have a read at insearchofalifelessordinary.blogspot.com – there’s a post in there about actually leaving home and making that big decision – you might find yourself relating to it! Keep up the good work – I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog today. Cheers, Russ

Jenny

Thanks for the response. Happy (soon) bday. I’m actually traveling in Egypt right now (and have been to India) — so I’m used to the men/attention, etc. It’s part amusing/annoying… but what can you do?

Def. look me up when you come to NY… I’d love to meet and hear first hand about your trips! Good luck

Fran

Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting with such depth. I appreciate you reaffirming that I am indeed not selfish for doing what I do.

I wish that more Americans would realize just how much travel can enrich your life. It’s often pushed further and further out to that “someday” that they’ll do it. Usually they end up never actually taking actionable steps to make it happen or the trip is too short moving quickly from place to place seeing all the sights that they don’t get an authentic cultural experience. If more people realized that if you just decide to do something and then start moving towards that goal, a lot can be done with a simple decision. Then, before you know it, you’ve reached your goal.

I hope that you’ll continue to stop by and comment on my blog.

I love this post and I’m sure many people that decide to travel indefinitely are considered selfish too by their parents or others.
There is just a different mentality between this “American generation” and the previous one when it comes to deciding what is “successful”. Caution… I will be generalizing but it’s just to make a point. Our parents and older American generation have the mentality of 9-to-5, big houses, picket fences, and being settled as the model of a successful person. But guess what? not everyone finds that desirable, hence, that doesn’t mean happiness or success to everyone.

It is hard to make our parents (for example) to understand the true meaning behind travel and how it can make us grow as individuals. These are two mentalities that are not compatible, but that doesn’t mean one is better than the other or that one is right and one is wrong. We all want different things and that’s not being selfish.

Thank you for your kind words and commenting! You are absolutely right. We aren’t selfish for getting what we want out of life. That is what we are here for right? I think that there are several different schools of thought and that is where this division lies. Who is to say one is right and the other wrong? What is right for one may not be right for all.

Don’t even get me started on the people that call us, “lucky.” It takes a lot of guts, determination, self-discipline, and courage to do what we do. It’s not all fun and games. I’m going through a range of emotions and they aren’t always highs.

People are really surprised when you tell them you’re taking a different path. It throws them completely off because it questions their core belief system. “How could you not want a family? That’s absurd.” You know? It’s easier to pretend to believe that than realize you threw your life away to something you didn’t necessarily want.

If you are looking for justification, I’ll give it to you. Its not selfish to do what you want, to do something extraordinary with your life. Yeah, perhaps we could harass you about the dog thing, but if someone is going to watch them, you will be back eventually, ya? Occasionally, I am told that I’m irresponsible for doing one RTW trip after another but; you have to look at who is making the comment. Are they stuck in a cubicle job, fighting traffic and living for the weekends, fighting to pay bills week after week, their biggest trip in their life was going to the local lake or to the Grand Canyon? Hmmm…. sounds like jealousy to me.

Someday you’ll be dead. On your deathbed, you’ll be glad you traveled.
Someday you may be married with kids. You’ll be glad you traveled.
Someday, you (or a family member ) may be sick requiring you to stick close to home. You’ll be glad you traveled.

One thing is for sure, you may realize that the American dream sucks and you’ll take measures to escape that trap. All of the peripheral “whining” you hear is probably jealousy…

Good luck on your trip!

If you are selfish then most of us here are selfish too. I think it was jealousy speaking when that was said…a good eye-opening revelation on your side!

Federico

Maybe the person who is accusing you of being selfish does not want you to go travelling because they love you, miss you and worry about you.

They will accuse you of whatever they think might make you change your mind and stay at home. It just happens to be selfish, but it could just as easily have been anything else e.g. lazy, irresponsible…

Perhaps you should send them e-mails and postcards regularly to let them know that you are thinking of them.

People have a vested interest in you staying the same as you are. When you make sudden changes such as this it makes them examine their own lives and they don’t like that, so it is easier to make you out to be the bad guy. Don’t let anyone put you in a box!

The only people who don’t see the value of travelling are the ones who don’t do it. Keep on doing what you are doing. You will only be further enriched.

Jenny, you are describing a phenomenon I call “crabs in a bucket” When you announce that you are going to do something independent, the crowd mostly tends to pull you back. Just like when a crab starts to climb out of a bucket the others grab onto him and pull him back down with them. Many people who would really like to make changes in their life but are intimidated by what people in their family, church, work or wherever would think or say about it. This is why I love the Internet so much – it allows like-minded and supportive people to find each other. BTW, I’ve never seen one person who traveled the world and then later said, “boy am I sorry I did all that!” What you are doing is brilliant. Keep it up.

Jenny, you are describing a phenomenon I call “crabs in a bucket” When you announce that you are going to do something independent, the crowd mostly tends to pull you back. Just like when a crab starts to climb out of a bucket the others grab onto him and pull him back down with them. Many people who would really like to make changes in their life but are intimidated by what people in their family, church, work or wherever would think or say about it. This is why I love the Internet so much – it allows like-minded and supportive people to find each other. BTW, I’ve never seen one person who traveled the world and then later said, “boy am I sorry I did all that!” What you are doing is brilliant. Keep it up.

It’s unconventional, but it’s not selfish. I would even say that following your own path is your gift to others. One more happy person in the world. One more source of inspiration. Who wouldn’t want that?

I don’t know how you feel about the book Eat, Pray, Love, but I found two passages in particular very insightful.

“But I felt a glimmer of happiness when I started studying Italian, and when you sense a faint potentiality for happiness after such dark times you must grab onto the ankles of that happiness and not let go until it drags you face-first out of the dirt—this is not selfishness, but obligation. You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.”

“The search for contentment is, therefore, not merely a self-preserving and self-benefiting act, but also a generous gift to the world. Clearing out all your misery gets you out of the way. You cease being an obstacle, not only to yourself but to anyone else. Only then are you free to serve and enjoy other people.”

It’s unconventional, but it’s not selfish. I would even say that following your own path is your gift to others. One more happy person in the world. One more source of inspiration. Who wouldn’t want that?

I don’t know how you feel about the book Eat, Pray, Love, but I found two passages in particular very insightful.

“But I felt a glimmer of happiness when I started studying Italian, and when you sense a faint potentiality for happiness after such dark times you must grab onto the ankles of that happiness and not let go until it drags you face-first out of the dirt—this is not selfishness, but obligation. You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.”

“The search for contentment is, therefore, not merely a self-preserving and self-benefiting act, but also a generous gift to the world. Clearing out all your misery gets you out of the way. You cease being an obstacle, not only to yourself but to anyone else. Only then are you free to serve and enjoy other people.”

Thanks for your support Scott. I totally be glad that I went on this journey. I definitely won’t regret it. If I piss some people off in the mean time… oh well.

I think you are right Federico!

Thanks for your support Ian. I’ll definitely keep in touch with everyone while I’m away.

I think you are right. It is a shock to their system, however, they should look at it as time to examine things within themselves. I remember when I had the very same shock to my system… when I met someone who lived life unconventionally. I don’t think I’d of known had I not met him!

Thanks Spencer!

Thanks for your comment Pete. I love your analogy of crabs in a bucket! I have found so many like-minded people on the internet to connect with it gives me a huge sense of community. Everyone has been so welcoming so far and I feel grateful for that. Definitely stoked.

Thanks for your comments Maddy. I enjoyed the quotes from Eat, Pray, Love… sad to say I have yet to read the book. I will eventually though because I think I’ll learn a lot from it. I hope that I can be a source of inspiration to others, as those who have been an inspiration to me!

As others have stated, anything outside what is considered the “norm” by society is often described as selfish. Like Ali posted, I also have chosen not to have kids, so I’ve gotten the selfish comment a lot, mostly from my family! I’m not sure how choosing NOT to do something that I know wouldn’t be best for me is selfish – I would think it would be more selfish to have kids knowing that I really don’t want to!! I don’t think that would be very good for the kids!

Anyway, I’ve traveled a fair amount, but would love to much more. The one thing that stops me from selling everything and just doing it, as some have done is the thought of how it would affect my life later. For example, if I don’t have a more traditional career now, it will affect when I am able to retire. While I’m all for experiencing life rather than waiting for retirement, I also don’t think that I’ll be able to work forever (nor would I want to!), so my concern is that if I chuck everything now in order to travel full-time, what happens once I do reach retirement age?? I’m not in a career that would easily allow me to work while traveling full-time, nor is my husband, so if we wanted to do that, we definitely wouldn’t be saving enough to live very well later on, at least not in the U.S. I think that’s what keeps most people from taking non-traditional paths – the fear of the unknown and how to go about making their dreams a reality. But regardless of that, I admire anyone who takes a different path in life. Good luck in your travels!

Don’t worry, there are some people out there that have the same mind set as you and understand and agree with you completely. As I read through what you said all I could think of was ‘I think and feel the exact same way’. The only difference is you are 29 and I’m 39. Go for it!! Otherwise you will regret too much. It’s not selfish to want to be happy within yourself. It is selfish of others to not want you to fulfill your dreams and reach your goals. They just have to understand yours are different to theirs. Just like my family has to understand (which doesn’t seem to work most of the time).

If you look back in 40 years would you regret not taking action and jumping into the unknown? yes, it’s scary as hell, but I don’t think anyone regrets trying.

When it all comes down to it, I’m all about the experience of life. You’ll find a way to make things work out when you get older. Why worry too much about that now at the risk of living life to the fullest now?

Yeah… people on a different path will always have a hard time understanding those who choose to live unconventionally and vise versa. I guess that is where the difference lies.

You should go for it as well in whatever way that is meaningful for you.

YOU TELL THEM JENNY!

Thank you!!!!!

I have been dreaming of this and reading this is giving me the worst chills and my eyes are watering up worse than I could have ever imagined. This is something I believe I have decided to do tonight and I am feeling uncontrollable emotions as to where I may end up or the repercussions of my future actions.

You inspire me to make my own path as I have been wanting to do for YEARS. I will gather my information and start planning my journey on paper tonight.

Fear is the only thing that has kept me from doing this before now.

We will see what will happen. Happy trails!

Joshua Wilson
Woodstock, Ga
wiltechwireless@yahoo.com

This posting really hit home today. I literally just told my employer that I will be departing mid-January and that I would like to stay onboard in some kind of fashion but am 100% prepared to part ways if it comes to it. No one has flat out called me selfish, I’m only 26, but some of my friends were hurt by my decision. They think I’m trying to get away from them and that I can’t stand being around them anymore. The majority of the population just doesn’t understand the travel bug, and I say Screw Em.

[...] Why am I considered selfish for traveling around the world? Considered selfish for living her own life the way she sees fit, Jenny hits back against jealous ‘friends’ who consider it an affront not to believe in the American Dream. [...]

Hey Jenny,

This was a great article and it really spoke to me. I, too, am looked at for being selfish for pursuing my dreams. I am often told I am too idealistic and need to grow up. It’s a shame this negative outlook on the way of living is pushed upon those who want to pursue different types of goals.

I wish you the best of luck in your adventures. I support you and think it’s awesome you are following your dream to see the world.

[...] faith and important questions (7) Less worry = More laughing and horseplay (8) Less commitments = More adventures and unplanned joys (9) Less junk food = Healthier body and more [...]

I think that many of those who have had that reaction to you, me and the rest of us travelers (and ex-pats, nomads, etc.) do so because our choice of a different path–one they can’t relate to–throws them off balance in some way. Just hearing about it moves them out of their comfort zone.

When I left the corporate world back over a decade ago and moved to Ecuador, many of the friendships I’d had for years came to an end. This was especially true when I returned to the U.S. and attempted to share my experiences and new life philosophy with my “friends.”

Now, 15 years later (I’m single, have no kids or house and love my job [teaching ESL] and the freedom to travel every summer), I hear something different from those who previously might have frowned upon what I was doing. They say, “Wow….I’m really envious of you….wish I’d done some of that.”

Interesting, isn’t it?

We’re abou to break the news to our family, friends and at work that we’re quitting because we’re backpacking around Asia. We know that we’d also get these negative reactions that you’ve shared in this article. We’re bracing ourselves for that. Thanks Jenny for sharing your thoughts. We feel exactly the same way.

Your analysis is correct … So keep living your life and being happy (it is “your life”, afterall) … AND don’t listen to the nay-sayers – I been nomadic for over 22 years across 100+ countries, interacting with locals, learning about the world and daydreaming from every bus window; and, would never have done so if I’ll let my Father’s criticism affect me.
Simply, such negative people are either jealous or ignorant.

Regards – Michael Robert Powell | the candy trail … a nomad across the planet, since 1988

How is your journey coming Joshua?

I think many people are too scared to go after what they want. I hope that we as a whole can inspire more people to go out and follow their passions, whatever they may be. Whether it is world travel or karate or knitting… everyone deserves to be happy. Our lives are inspiring people and people are waking up. I think that’s awesome!

AWESOME! Please let me know how it went.

Wow. Are you in that Travelers Century Club? http://www.travelerscenturyclub.org/

I hope to be someday.

I think it’s just jealousy. They are jealous of you going after your dreams. Most likely they gave up theirs. They’re not happy. If a person is happy, they’re not going to pick on you.

[...] Leonard – She’s your neighborhood skater punk… except she’s traveling the world and blogging for [...]

I recently reconnected with my aunt. She apologized and lamented that she had missed a significant portion of my childhood due to being in the military and being stationed over seas. I told her that I always thought she was awesome – that her going to another country helped broaden my horizons – that alot of my adventerous side came from the few times we met up – and that we still have plenty of time to spend together now. I was so surprised that she had felt that way for so many years when for me it was a major bit of inspiration.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that for some people, it’s difficult to envision someone else living their life out of the box. They may see you as being selfish becasue to them their entire 9-to-5 house-having child-rearing life IS all there is to life.

Maybe the negativity isn’t about selfishness but envy – theirs. Or it could be partially that they feel that you think you’re better than them. When you use phrases like “I didn’t get sucked into the American dream” or “I choose to give the American Dream the middle finger” around people who embrace the American dream…. well, as much as I admire (and agree with) what you’re doing, I can see that it might bring out a little negativity in people who might be feeling a little jealous to begin with (especially if they felt “trapped” by the American dream themselves).

You’re selfish sometimes. So am I. So is whoever calls you selfish.
But choosing to travel is not intrinsically selfish in any way.
How you travel can be extremely selfish or extremely selfless…but most of the time, it’s a lot of both.

I’ve only had the “selfish” label thrown at me by people who resented me doing something that did not fulfil / support / subsidise *their* dreams and life experiences.

So interesting what you said about whether taking out a loan to start a business or asking someone to babysit your child would be considered selfish because, yes, in my world where I have taken out lots of loans to start businesses and asked for lots of help raising my kids that has at times been considered self-centered. The reality is that the new paradigm life you are living is very uncomfortable for folks who are deeply conditioned by patterned ways of being to stay in the box, do what they think they should do, and are secretly resentful of your life of freedom. Let it roll off your back and know that you are being a model of the new paradigm and that will rub some folks the wrong way. When it happens, be grateful that you are making an impact and helping wake people up to a new reality. Thanks for showing up and shining your light Jenny. Do it more, we’ll be celebrating!

What an interesting post. I love it. This is my favorite line: “They are selfish for being mad at me!”

It seems more and more people are choosing to live life on their own terms instead of the terms imposed by “society.” Perhaps it’s the internet that exposes us to more ideas. It seems the more we choose to live our life without succumbing to expectations and peer pressure, the more those who are not strong enough to do it themselves, resent it.

So I don’t think they really feel you’re being selfish, I think they are jealous they don’t have the courage you do.

Love this.

People call you selfish because they need to find a way to demonize something that isn’t in line with their simple ways of judging success. Thus having defied their definitions they must find a way to bring you back within their acceptable limits.
Now THAT’s selfish.

I wrote a whole post about this for Matador a year ago. (It’s here if you’re interested: http://matadornetwork.com/bnt/2010/01/08/the-deadly-sin-of-wanderlust-is-long-term-travel-selfish/) At the end of the day, I’ve decided that it is selfish but selfishness isn’t necessarily a bad thing. By being selfish, we promote our own happiness, which is good for us and good for the world. In other words, I think that people who have kids are also being selfish and so are people who save up and have a mortgage. Selfishness means taking care of ourselves first. As long as we aren’t hurting others to achieve that goal, I don’t see what’s wrong with promoting our own happiness first.

I think anger is an easy emotion for most people. I also think that they did what they did, in many cases, because it is what was expected of them. For those people, it seems odd and unsettling to watch someone choosing a different path. It somehow becomes a disagreement with their way of life, instead of a singular expression of the life you want. Many times I have had to say – this isn’t about you. It isn’t about not agreeing with your choices. It’s about me being proud and happy with my own.
Find you own way, stay true to your own path, be respectful and choose to have the life you want. The rest of it is just noise…

Hey Jenny,

I guess it all depends on your definition of “selfish”. That word has too much of a negative slant and association with being mean or harsh towards others. That’s certainly not what travelling is about. Travelling IS self-oriented though, it’s about making yourself a more knowledgable person, a better person even, with more world experience and hopefully making others lives better too.

People need to do “self-ish” things some times, things that are their own choice, because there is zero point in living purely for others. So if anyone ever thinks of me as “selfish” when I get the opportunity to travel I’ll suggest that maybe I need to be selfish in order to get something out of my own life.

It’s the same as setting aside “me time”, nothing wrong with that!

I’m pretty sure the person that considers you selfish is actually truely only thinking of themselves. i.e that they’ll miss you when you’re gone. It strikes me that they are the one being selfish, only thinking of the impact your trip will have on their life and not how it will benefit yours and the others that you meet.

If you ever have a meet in England, I’d be glad to hear about it.

[...] informed my parents of my plan, they were livid. My dad slammed his fist on the table and called me selfish and self-centered. In Vanuatu, I found happiness. It was one of the most exciting times of my life and all they could [...]

 I hear ya, amen. Keep on, keep on.

I’m going to answer the best i can, those who travel far know much, those who travel little…………..

You didn’t have to edit your comment. : ] I think it’s selfish to NOT follow your dreams because in the end the world would be a much better place if people actually did what they were born to do rather than what society expects them to do.

[...] In A Foreign Country For At Least 3 Months Live in a foreign country for at least 3 months. Experience a different culture, learn a different language, meet more people [...]

[...] In A Foreign Country For At Least 3 Months Live in a foreign country for at least 3 months. Experience a different culture, learn a different language, meet more people [...]

I agree with Ted Nelson, I think what you are doing is awesome and SELFLESS!

This is a common issue I think because people do get jealous. Be thankful that your friend and your dad were up front about their feelings.  It opens up the opportunity to discuss the issue and maybe help people realize that they can live their dreams too.  

This is a common issue I think because people do get jealous. Be thankful that your friend and your dad were up front about their feelings.  It opens up the opportunity to discuss the issue and maybe help people realize that they can live their dreams too.  

You are an inspiration, Jenny. Rock On.

What are you doing for health insurance? Retirement? Paying off debt? If you are relying on others to worry about and/or pay for these things that are necessary in our culture and society, you’re being selfish. If you are financially independent and self insured, and will be able to retire some day on your own money rather than taking government (or family member) handouts, then more power to you.

[...] have read through Jenny’s take on this and I guess she tackled this with great intent of letting the world know that she is indeed [...]

Honestly, if they’re not paying for your trip, why is it their business?