As you know from my (almost) 3 Month blog update which was just a few weeks ago I decided to refocus Where is Jenny to be more about living a freedom lifestyle than only being travel-centric. However, that tuning process is evolving as I learn, grow, and find my place in cyberspace. Right now, I feel as if I’m sending off mixed signals, a bit of confusion. One of the most basic points of branding is knowing what your message is and who you are targeting.
I decided to go back to ground-zero and think about why I wanted to start spreading my message to begin with. My mom probley isn’t going to like what I have to say (Sorry mom). However, it’s part of who I am despite how difficult and painfully hard it’s been on my heart. Most importantly it was necessary to get me to Jenny 2010. Just like the defining moments you’re having this year will bring you to your next destination.
I grew up in suburbia and from a very young age I was taught to conform. For some strange reason everyone else got the concept, but I didn’t. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t do certain things or why I had to wear a certain type of clothes or why I couldn’t like something that wasn’t ‘cool.’ I didn’t get why I should judge someone based on what kind of car they drove, the clothes they wore, the things they liked, or the type of house they lived in. I didn’t understand why I should censor my mouth and say something I didn’t mean or believe in just to have a friend or fit in. Whenever I was just ‘Jenny’ I was laughed at, ridiculed, and singled-out not just at school, but in my own family.
So needless to say I never really fit in anywhere and all the stuff I was forced to do I hated. I was being tortured because I couldn’t find my place in the world and it was lonely.
I remember seeing the Karate kid when I was about 5 years old. I loved that movie. I wanted to learn karate too, just like Daniel. I asked my mom if she would take me to karate school so I could learn karate. She told me, “NO!” Just as any other 5-year old would ask I asked, “Why.”
“Because girls don’t do those kind of things.”
“A girl in my school goes to karate classes. How come she can do it then?”
“If she can do it, so can I.”
“I told you, no.”
That is pretty much the jist of every conversation I’ve had with my mom with everything I’ve ever wanted or showed interest in until I became an adult. Rather than be cherished for who I was as a person I was forced into a mold that I didn’t belong in from the day I was born. I refused to conform to that mold and with that a war was born.
My mom and I butted heads through the years and all I ever dreamed of was getting away. I was pissed. I remember starting at 10 or 11 years old plotting my breakaway that only got more detailed as the years went on. It’s the only thing that kept me going. Whenever I was running down the street, I envisioned myself running as far away as I could from my family and where I lived. I never could though. I was trapped. I didn’t know how to escape, but most of all I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I didn’t know what was possible. I didn’t know what was out there.
When I was 10-years old I remember watching a motocross race on tv. I was in a trance for the entire race. It looked like the greatest thing in the entire world to me in that moment. In my excitement, I ran to grab my mom and show her.
“I want to do THAT” I didn’t even know what ‘that‘ was called, but I knew I wanted to do it with everything I had. I remember that moment well… To which, she only responded, “Over my dead body” before turning around and walking away. There went the wind in my sails.
By the time I was 18-years old I had enough. Since my entire life had been denied of anything I’d ever remotely been interested in. I decided to start with the things I was still thinking about that I’d asked to do as a child, but never got. I was 18 now, nobody could tell me what I could or couldn’t do anymore.
For the first time, I was able to try things that I genuinely showed interest in. No more being forced to do shit I didn’t want to do. I went behind my parents back to buy a dirtbike and began racing motocross. I felt fucking free. Things began to look up. I was a sponsored women’s motocross racer, I was practicing karate, and I was learning sign language. Life was good… I was no longer miserable, I felt in control of my life and I was learning what happiness was.
My whole life I’d been taught that life was supposed to be a certain way and that there were no other options. Being miserable and doing what you’re told was the ‘right’ thing to do. If someone was doing something different it was because they were rich, had different circumstances, or were somehow otherwise special. When I became an adult, I realized that all of this wasn’t true. I was being fed a lie the entire time. I was a fighter and I refused to conform after all those years. However, I don’t think I would have been able to see or draw this conclusion without all those years as an angry kid that had to do a bunch of shit she didn’t want to. I needed live that to see what I see today.
Then I was told it was time to get a job. The fun and games were over. I would have to wait until retirement to finally live the life I was destined to live. When I figured out those were lies too I got the bright idea to start my own business.
I think my situation is relatable to those of you that are unhappy in your current situation. Maybe your upbringing or society has forced you into thinking that college, a job, and a 401k were right for you and they’re not. If they are great! I’m really happy for you. I hope you get everything you want out of it. However, this site was born for those that aren’t happy with the status quo and want to get something else out of life.
I’m here because I want to show you that there are options. You don’t have to live the way other people expect you to, you don’t have to conform to any molds, and you don’t have to listen to anyone dictate what you can or can’t do. I fought with my mother because she expected me to live a certain way just as you fight with your friends, your family, and even society. I’m here to help you gain your freedom. To inspire, motivate, educate, and entertain you as you move along your journey.
Why do you come to Where is Jenny? Is there something you want to run from? Let me know in the comments below.